As it turns out, Roxanne wasn't trying to ignore me, just kinda got caught up. She's gonna call me, so I'm totaly happy. I want her to feel good about herself again, and be the girl that I totaly look up to again. Well, nite! ::muah::

[10/28/2002 10:23:27 PM | Roxanne Harris]
Well, Emily, me you and Ben do have something in common. ANYWAY! Today I felt totally and utterly depressed. I felt as if I fell into a bottomless pit from which I could not crawl. I don't no why I felt like this and I finally broke down and cried in 5th period. I asked Mr. Scott if I could call my mom and used his class phone to while the rest of the students played "Kitty Wants a Corner". I told my mom I don't know what's wrong with me and sometimes I feel like I want to hurt myself. I hate feeling like this and hide the pain I feel until I go to sleep at night. I came home, my mom supposedly made an appointment for me (to who i wonder?), and she made me talk to her overly religious friend who thinks religion can solve EVERYTHING!! Well, it can't, believe me, it can't. I've tried, tried, and tried again. It can't, and it doesn't. Hopefully, I can maybe catch on to a twig or a pipe that this bottomless pit just happens to hold and climb my way out, before it's to late. Emily, there's a reason I wore that sweater today, there is a good reason.

that was Roxanne. IO can't belive how much pain she's in. I NEED to save her b4 it's too late. But what if it is already? I can't think about losing her, because if I do, then it's all over...for me

not much appening, I watched some Addams family and hung out with squishy (my cuz) cause everyone else was out or busy. Chanda and Diablo still aren't back, but hey, who cares. I feel a lot better not, I watched a scary movie and I'm totaly relaxed and ready for Halloween...Samhain I guess I need to call it. Well, Nite all!!! ::muah::

I just turned the language on this site to german to see what It'll llook like....I think I'll change it back

I had to ride the bus with Diablo jr. this morning. She talks way too loud and WAY too much, she need to give it a rest some times...

I'm in the school library typing this. I have to keep hiding the screen so people would stop looking at me funny. Just a bunch of chinese people right now, not much to worry about, except that I think the librarian people might think I'm doing e-mail and then they'd want to come over here and read it. I got all dressed ncely today because I thought I was going to be taking a pic for my new Id, buuuut, they said they weren't doing it!! What a rip! At least I have time to put the glow-in-the-dark glitter in my hair now. I'll do it tonite, I've gotta go to collge now today, I must be getting out of it early because all we're doing is finishing a test.

I posted in the group blog and everyone else's life seems more stable than mine. But I really wish my quest would get interesting soon. I know that there is some sort of ...force-creature at my house. I saw a shadowy thing in my cuz's room this morning and it started moving towards me. I was SO freaked! I rean in my room and slammed the door, which wole up my mom and got me in trouble....yep, that's my life. I ate two sandwhiches for b-fest and I'm proud to say that I was not starving the whole day. I hate having to always take money from people. I HATE having to skank around my aunt's house looking for change. My mother hardley every gives me any money and when she does she acts as if she's doing me a huge favor, like I'm supposed to get on my hands and knees and thank her for giving me $5 thatt's supposed to last all week. What a bitch. She likes taking the easy way out of everything, she cuts corners everywhere. It's not my faut she went and got her self pregnant befor she was even 20. She's so dumb, I can't even ....

Yesterday I wore a red plaid skirt, a red shirt and tan fish nets (gasp). Noone made fun of me like I thought they would, I think it' s because of all the freakier people at that school. But on my way to and from school, old guys kept looking at me!!! YUCK!

Well, I spent all day in and out of bed, thinking and daydreaming. Sleeping/napping and whatever.... I think I'll be more me from now on. And I'll wear my skirt on tuesday and not worry so much about my legs....now what? I'm bored, what did I used to fo on the internet??!

Well, it looks like I'mable to get on....AGAIN! Roxanne's modem prbleh broken.That must suck ass. Geez, I really need a boyfriemd *pant pant*. But that's just me. Imma snag me a hottie if it's the last thing I do!!! I still got it bbad for John and I saw him today,b ut I stutted by wearing my sexsay tight pants. Makes my ass lokk great! He looked at me, but I ignored him and felt nothing! GO ME! I'm slowly but surely getting over that jerk. I STILL can't belive how horrible he made me feel!! Welp, I gotta go again! Bye!

Well, It looks like finally able to post even though I forgot about it for about a week. I keep making up an imaginary life for my self in my head. Hey, I really am a normal person...but I just suck at talking! When I do, I act like a geek, so I sit back and observe then people think I'm being snotty or shy. Bleah! I gotta go get ready for bed! Love ya much, world! *muah!*

I saw John gain today and I nearly cried. He was walking by yawning I wanted to slap him right in the middle of the hall. He didn't even say hi or look at me for more thn 2 seconds!! I hate him!! Grr! I love him!!! grrr!

I haven't heard from Roxanne, must not be getting on the comp lately. I can work at subways when I turn 16, next month. So I might have a job in time for the holidays!!! Good gifts are gonna be going around this year! I'm hgoing to make a private blog now, so I can vent when ever. See ya!!!

Today started out sucky because I got to school on time for the first time all week. But I had math AND a test, so it wasn't all that. It got better in weight training class watching all the hotties (3) flex and junk. I gave a silent scream everytime they looked at me. And you know what??? I think they think Im a hottie too!!! I haven't even touched any equipment yet, I guess that's why I'm failing the class, haha. I saw one of the hotties on the train, OMG! I think he's a hottie cause he's cute and very veeery smart. He's Chinese too, still C-U-T-E! The other hottie is Chinese too, doesn't speak english so well, but I looooooove his hair! He's way to cute to be single but I've never seen him with a girl. The other hottie is some Russian guy, I don't like him from the neck-up. lol, he's got an ugly hair cut and his face isn't too nice to look at. He's got a great bod, huuuuge muscles (which usualy makes me go "ewww") well, not huge, but nice. Noone pays attention to him but me, so he struts for a while then lifts some heavy weights so I can watvch him. Gag, he's a bit concieted, but I'll watch him if the others aren't around. I actualt liked my lab today. Queen even copied off of me, and she's the smartest girl in the school! I'm glad she doesn't hate me as much as she used to. Anyway, I think I need a BF, but I don't resally want one. Oh! Imma get a job next month! After I turn 16!!!! But i wanna check out a site now, so bye!

I haven't been writting in this blog much cause I'm in love with Roxanne's group blog. Lemme tell you about my day and thoughts and what not, k?

I've been listening to a lot of Pink lately. Geez, I love her! I even went to her page: Pinkspage.com, and no doubts: nodoubt.com. both good pages! Imma go print some lyrics now! (And comb my hair!!)